Are you a Joker?

A teaser? A clown? How you deploy your sense of humor says a lot about how you relate to others and to yourself.

In today's personality stakes, nothing is more highly valued than a sense of humor. We seek it out in others and are proud to claim it in ourselves, perhaps even more than good looks or intelligence. If someone has a great sense of humor, we reason, it means that they are happy, socially confident and have a healthy perspective on life.

This attitude would have surprised the ancient Greeks, who believed humor to be essentially aggressive. And in fact, our admiration for the comedically gifted is relatively new, and not very well-founded, says Rod Martin, a psychologist at the University of Western Ontario who studies the way people use humor. Being funny isn't necessarily an indicator of good social skills and well-being, his research has shown--it may just as likely be a sign of personality flaws.

He has found that humor is a double-edged sword. It can forge better relationships and help you cope with life, or it can be corrosive, eating away at self-esteem and antagonizing others. "It's a form of communication, like speech, and we all use it differently," says Martin. We use bonding humor to enhance our social connections--but we also may wield it as a way of excluding or rejecting an outsider. Likewise, put-down humor can at times be an adaptive, healthy response: Employees suffering under a vindictive boss will often make the office more bearable by secretly ridiculing their tyrant.

Though humor is essentially social, how you use it says a lot about your sense of self. Those who use self-defeating humor, making fun of themselves for the enjoyment of others, tend to maintain that hostility toward themselves even when alone. Similarly, those who are able to view the world with amused tolerance are often equally forgiving of their own shortcomings.

Put-down humor
This aggressive type of humor is used to criticize and manipulate others through teasing, sarcasm and ridicule. When it's aimed against politicians by the likes of Ann Coulter, it's hilarious and mostly harmless. But in the real world, it has a sharper impact. Put-down humor, such as telling friends an embarrassing story about another friend, is a socially acceptable way to deploy aggression and make others look bad so you look good.

When challenged on their teasing, the put-down joker often turns to the "just kidding" defense, allowing the aggressor to avoid responsibility even as the barb bites. Martin has found no evidence that those who rely on this type of humor are any less well-adjusted. But it does take a toll on Personal relationships.

Bonding humor
People who use bonding humor are fun to have around; they say amusing things, tell jokes, engage in witty banter and generally lighten the mood. These are the people who give humor a good name. They're perceived as warm, down-to-earth and kind, good at reducing the tension in uncomfortable situations and able to laugh at their own faults.

Talk show host and comedian Ellen DeGeneres embraces her audience by sharing good-natured, relatable humor. Her basic message: We're alike, we find the same things funny and we're all in this together.

Nonetheless, bonding humor can have a dark side. After all, a feeling of inclusion can be made sweeter by knowing that someone else is on the outs. J.F.K. and his brothers would often invite a hated acquaintance to vacation with them; they'd be polite to his face, but behind his back, the brothers would unite in deriding the hapless guest.

Hate-me humor
In this style of humor, you are the butt of the joke for the amusement of others. Often deployed by people eager to ingratiate themselves, it's the familiar clown or "fat guy" playfulness that we loved in John Belushi and Chris Farley--both of whom suffered for their success. A small dose of it is charming, but a little goes a long way: Routinely offering yourself up to be humiliated erodes your self-respect, fostering depression and anxiety. It also can backfire by making other people feel uncomfortable, finds Nicholas Kuiper of the University of Western Ontario. He proposes that it may remind others of their own tendency toward self-criticism.

Farley, who died at age 33 from an overdose, had a streak of self-loathing. "Chris chose the immediate pleasure he got in pleasing others over the long-term cost to himself," his brother wrote after his death. The bottom line: Excelling at this style of humor may lead to party invitations but can ultimately exact a high price.

Laughing at life
When we admire someone who "doesn't take himself too seriously," this is the temperament we're talking about. More than just a way of relating to other people, it's a prism that colors the world in rosier shades. Someone with this outlook deploys humor to cope with challenges, taking a step back and laughing at the absurdities of everyday life. The Onion is a repository of this benign good humor. The columnist Dave Barry has perfected it with quips like this: "Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting."

Studies that link a sense of humor to good health are probably measuring this phenomenon; when you have a wry perspective, it's hard to remain anxious or hostile for long. Martin calls it "self-enhancing humor," because you don't need other people to entertain you--if something peculiar or annoying happens, you're perfectly capable of laughing at it on your own.

All-American Absurdist: Bill Hader
HADER, 28, undercuts his surfer-boy good looks with a dry, slightly surreal Midwestern wit (he grew up in Tulsa, Oklahoma). The contrast gave an appealing edge to his impersonations of Al Pacino and Vincent Price on Saturday Night Live last year, and made him one of the show's rising young stars. "The best thing about being funny is that you can be very honest," says Hader, but there's a sweetness to his approach that keeps it light--a family tradition. "My dad and morn are both very funny and dry," he says. "If I had a bad grade, my parents' response would be something like: 'Do you want to sign up to be a janitor now, or in a year or so?' It's not mean, but it can be very acute."

How Do You Use Humor?
Answer the following questions adapted from Rod Martin's Humor Styles Questionnaire. Respond as honestly and objectively as you can.

Totally Disagree 1
Moderately Disagree 2
Slightly Disagree 3
Neither Agree nor Disagree 4
Slightly Agree 5
Moderately Agree 6
Totally Agree 7

If someone makes a mistake, I will often tease them about it. ____
I let people laugh at me or make fun at my expense more than I should. ____
I don't have to work very hard at making other people laugh--I seem to be a naturally humorous person. ____
Even when I'm by myself, I'm amused by the absurdities of life. ____
People are never offended or hurt by my sense of humor. ____
I rarely make other people laugh by telling funny stories about myself. ____
My humorous outlook keeps me from getting overly upset or depressed about things. ____
If I'm by myself and I'm feeling unhappy, I think of something funny to cheer myself up. ____
Sometimes I can't stop myself from saying something funny, even if it isn't appropriate. ____
I enjoy making people laugh. ____
If I am feeling upset, I usually lose my sense of humor. ____
When I am with friends or family, I am often the one whom other people joke about. ____
If I am having problems or feeling unhappy, I often cover it up by joking around so that even my closest friends don't know how I really feel. ____
I usually can't think of witty things to say when I'm with other people. ____
Even if something is really funny, I won't joke about it if someone will be offended. ____
Letting others laugh at me is my way of keeping them in good spirits. ____

HOW TO SCORE:

Put-down humor: Start with the numeral 14 and add your answers for questions 1 and 9, then subtract your responses to questions 5 and 15.

Bonding humor: Start with the numeral 7 and add your answers for questions 3 and 10, then subtract your responses to questions 6 and 14.

Hate-me humor: Add your answers to questions 2, 12, 13 and 16.

Laughing at life: Start with the numeral 3. Add your answers for questions 4, 7 and 8, then subtract your response to question 11.

Consider yourself high in any category if your score is above 17, average if it is between 11 and 17 and low at 11 or under. Note your highest score--it will reveal how you habitually use humor.

By: Dobson, Louise, Psychology Today, Aug2006